The Power of Being You

The process of coming into our own is often painful and it can take us down a lonely path where we may not really understand where we fit in. Often times we have to isolate our self from people even people we love to discover what’s inside of us. We need that space to understand what is important to us, and what makes us unique. I am a firm believer in being authentic and staying true to who we are no matter the cost. This means not compromising our values to fit into a certain mold or changing who we are in order to be accepted by people. We have to be the same persons we are on the outside as we are behind closed doors. There is no shame when we are being ourselves, because we act in ways that are consistent with our values and our beliefs, and this gives us complete freedom. Not everyone is going to like us when we are being authentic but the right people will appreciate us. Life itself is a journey, a journey to find God and develop a relationship with him, a journey that leads us in discovering our purpose and life path, a journey to meet people who will impact our lives in an incredible way or teach us some valuable lessons, and a journey that leads to self- discovery. Life is a constant struggle when we try to live like somebody else or when we live a double life. I know it can be pretty scary to be rejected when you choose to remain true to who you are because not many people will be able to connect with you, and you may be unpopular, but it is definitely worth it.

I have come to accept that the way I think, and my ability to look beyond the surface to find the deeper meaning in things and in life makes me a little different from others. I don’t apologize for the way I am wired, God made me the way I am on purpose. I don’t have to do what everyone else is doing, I don’t have to move at the pace everyone is moving, and I surely don’t have to be “liked” by everyone. Freedom comes with knowing we have nothing to prove to people because God fully approves us. Our confidence comes from knowing we are loved and accepted by God unconditionally. A confident man/woman doesn’t need the approval of others to feel validated or worthy, because they feel secure within themselves. Being authentic is not about adding more to ourselves, it is about removing whatever is not true.

I have learned not to judge a book by its cover, there is so much more to a person than what they present on the outside. Often times we have to get to really know someone before we make our conclusions/judgments about them. Social media is not enough to get to know what a person is like, there are many people who are hiding behind that to paint a picture- perfect life, or an image of being better, successful, or educated than they actually are. Nobody’s life is perfect, no matter how they paint it to you, people will only reveal what they want you to know about them. Other times the images and pictures we see on the outside may be far from reality, they may be putting up a front for their followers. You don’t have to constantly show people that you have a good life, a great marriage, or a successful business for us to believe it, that’s only drawing too much attention to yourself which is unnecessary. The less you show the more people wonder lol.

There were times where I compared myself to people whom I admired and people I believed had everything going for them, only to find out later how much it took to be them and the struggles they were hiding inside. So many people are hiding behind a mask, and giving people a false impression that their life is perfect when really they are struggling so much. These people are afraid to be vulnerable in front of others because they don’t want to be perceived as weak.   Sometimes the person you are comparing yourself to maybe secretly comparing themselves to you, or even comparing themselves with someone else. Who we are is enough, we have everything we need to become the persons we were created to be. Embrace who you are fully and find your own path. There is nothing that hurts more than living a lie, we may lie to everyone else but we cannot lie to our self. The truth hurts but it also heals.

One of the biggest struggle I faced with just letting people get to know the real me was my fear of rejection. The very act of putting myself out there, and allowing people to connect with me in a deeper way through the things I write or share is a big risk. It takes a lot of courage to be honest about things and people, and not pretend about the way I really feel about things. Stepping out was really hard for me initially, and to some extent still is because not everyone is used to this courageous and out-spoken side of me. I didn’t know how people were going to react so I played it safe for a while, until God began to push me outside my comfort zone and that forced me to be real with people.

The more I mature in my walk with God the more courageous and fearless I become in speaking about things that are of value to me, and sharing the wisdom he has given me about things with the people I come cross. I did not fully understand the purpose he had for my life, until I began to accept that I was loved by him and my identity is found in him and him alone. I needed to learn how to love myself, how to speak positively into my life and to accept the things about me that I couldn’t change. This is part of the reason I write a lot about understanding who we are, being authentic, and dealing with roots in our life, because that is an area I struggled so much in. A lot of people are searching for their identity and what they are called to do, but can’t seem to get there, and I believe God has gifted me in that area to help those people connect with who they really are inside, and  also experience inner healing. If that is you we are not connected by accident.

Getting to the Root of Things

In order to fully understand who we are, we have to first come to grips with our “roots” where we came from, our family of origin, our pasts, the previous experiences we had, and how all those things play a role in shaping who we are today. We have to understand our history, our culture, and the significance of certain events that took place in our life and how those things affected us. Some of the problems we struggle with today can be traced back to our past, and the best way to move forward and heal, is by dealing with those things from the roots.
There are certain things we cannot completely break free from unless we muster the courage to face our past, and deal with things that were never fully resolved. I know it can be pretty painful to re-open old wounds because it might bring out negative emotions out of us, but I think not dealing with things sooner will only create more pain in the future. Some people tend to pretend that a problem doesn’t exist so they dance around it and kinda of deal with it here and there. They go for counseling or seek prayers and advice from people, but they never really delve into the real issue behind the problem. The help they receives doesn’t work well for them because they have not opened up about the real problem, partly because they are not ready to face the situation head on. Unless we get to a point where we are finally ready to accept the truth, and we are tired of allowing our past control our future, we’ll never be truly free. Freedom comes with acknowledging and understanding the root of our problems and how it affects our lives.
Other people are living in some kind of denial about the reality of their situation, everyone else sees the problem but them, and even when people bring up the issue with him/her they either get defensive or withdraw. This problem is even worse than the first because whatever we afraid to talk about openly is already out of control in our life. Often times you find people blaming habits/behaviors/ lifestyle they display on things or on other people, they might blame their way of talking on their personality saying things like “that’s just me, I tell it like it is”, or blame their controlling attitude on their way of loving people and keeping them on track, or even blame their inability to take ownership for their actions on how they were raised. Of course these are just minor issues, but those little things can quickly add up and become a giant problem. There are also other issues that are harder to deal with as a result of the magnitude of the problem, such as unresolved issues like trauma one dealt with in childhood or adulthood, a break-up that left a big scar on one’s heart that seems to affect every new relationship, un-forgiveness towards a family member who may have betrayed or hurt us deeply, a lack of trust in people especially in romantic relationships which prevents intimacy, vulnerability, or transparency in a relationship, or even negative communication patterns we have acquired from the relationships we had growing up. All of these things are not conquered overnight, it takes time, patience, and understanding to overcome, and we can only overcome when we honestly face the reality of the situation.
Almost every problem we face in life can be traced back to roots, and it takes prayers, support, understanding, and honesty to deal with them. There are some wounds that take longer to heal because of the depth of the pain and damage done, there are some struggles we might never fully overcome which can become a source of healing to others. When you’re speaking to people on that particular subject, you are actually speaking to yourself because it is a constant battle for you.
We cannot pray away every problem we face in life, there are things that are meant to grow us. “Healing always involves facing truths we’d rather not face… and accepting responsibility we’d rather not accept (David Hawkins). The only way we can truly live out our purpose is by being authentic, and authenticity requires honesty, honesty about who we are, where we are, and where we are going. A part of who we are is connected to our pasts, the family’s we grew up in, and even the things we were exposed to growing up, and the knowledge we have of those things can help us understand ourselves better. Inspiration and motivation is good, but unless it is helping us deal and overcome issues in our lives, and helping us see patterns and behaviors that are holding us back, then it’s just a waste of time. I don’t think we are truly living unless we have come to terms with our pasts, and understanding how to deal with the root cause of issues in our life. Knowing the truth is the beginning of change, applying that truth is what truly sets us free.

Preparing for your Purpose

The essence of who we are and how we see ourselves in light of our creator can affect how we go about seeking our purpose in life. This means the image we have of ourselves and the kind of relationship we have developed with God over time will determine if we seek him first to reveal our purpose to us, or we go about finding our purpose on our own. The biggest mistake is trying to find purpose and meaning in things, in people or in our accomplishments. None of those things can give us meaning or a sense of direction like God can. Many of us are even scared to look within to find the answers we need because we are afraid of what we may learn about ourselves in the process. To be fully able to live out our true purpose and calling, we must first be willing to face the truth about ourselves, this includes coming to terms with where we are in our journey, areas we may be lacking, habits or addictions that we have acquired over the years that may be holding us back, as well as evaluating our current relationships/friendships to determine how those relationships are impacting or hindering our growth. Another important area to consider is the environment we are in; some environments can actually prevent us from reaching our full potential because we are not able to express ourselves freely and creatively as we would like. Jesus couldn’t perform miracles in his hometown because of the unbelief he saw in the people around him. This tells me people’s expectations, belief or lack thereof can impact us. If the environment you are in does not allow you to be your true self, nor does it gives you the freedom to use your gift well, then you need to find a way out of that environment, so you can fulfill the purpose God has for your life.
Discovering our true identity is the first step in preparing for our purpose and calling unless we know who we are, we cannot begin to search for our purpose and meaning in life. Our calling is connected to who we are. There are people who allow their circumstances or life to make a choice for them. For instance, they make career choices based on their interest, they choose life partners based on looks, chemistry or financial status, they pick a city to reside in based on who they already know living there, they choose a major based on what their family decide for them, and this list could go on and on. The moment we begin to allow other people or our circumstances to dictate our path, we have lost the power of who we are. The battle is really about staying true to who we are throughout the journey.
Our journey to finding and fulfilling our purpose is really what prepares us for our mission in life. Those moments of waiting on God, and those lonely periods where we wonder “God where are you” is really shaping and molding us to become the person we were created to be. The experiences we go through in life and the different seasons that we pass through contributes to our growth. One of the ways you can prepare for our purpose/calling is learning to depend on God, and drawing strength from him. The place God is going to take you as you discover your true identity may be rough some times, and you have to learn to encourage yourself. Not everyone is going to understand your heart, your passion, your drive, and what you believe in, there will be times you will have no one to support you. I am still on the journey of preparing for my purpose, every trial and pain I have experienced along the way has helped me developed the character that will sustain me through the fulfillment of my purpose. Timing is also really crucial in stepping out to fulfill our purpose. When we are connected to God we get the nudge to step out on faith, or things may begin to fall into place letting us know it’s time to launch out. I prefer to allow things take its natural course without trying to force or rush things. I know it’s tempting to want to try to promote myself and put myself out there, so people can notice my gifts, and that is not a bad thing, it works for some people. I believe when we are starting out and trying something new, it’s wise to move with caution and go at our own pace, rather than what you see everyone around us doing. Not everyone can handle the attention they receive from people who admire their gifts or talents when it becomes too much, and there is the issue of getting the wrong kind of attention. Which is why timing is so important, if you step out prematurely before you are fully ready, the people who respond to your gifts/talent may unconsciously put pressure on you, and you start feeling the need to perform, out-do what you did previously, or even keep up a certain standard. I rather patiently wait on God to work on my heart and strip me of things that would stand in the way of keeping him as my focus as I venture out. So at the end of the day, the success I experience doesn’t keep me puffed up but humble. Then there is the idea of trying to rush things, and get people to like you at all cost in the process of fulfilling your purpose, and when you don’t get the recognition or the attention you are looking for, you begin to internalize people’s reaction or lack of reaction towards you. You can prepare for this stage by surrounding yourself with loving people who believe in you, care about you, and people who can keep you grounded. These people know you well enough that they are able to encourage you when we feel down and discouraged, push you when you feel like giving up, and keep you grounded.
It is important to share your gift and your heart with people in small ways to bless those around you even when it feels like no one is appreciates your effort. Sometimes you have to keep doing that for a while, before God brings the right people across your path, who will either support you, or who would need what you have to offer. Success doesn’t happen overnight for most people, sometimes the only people who may be supporting you for a while may just be your family and friends, or even just your friends, that’s okay, and we have all gone through that process. We cannot really control how things turn out, but we can only hope that our effort will be rewarded at the end.
Finally prayer ties everything in, you should carry God with you throughout the process. You will need his constant guidance and direction as you go along the way. You will need his wisdom and strength each step of the way especially when things get hard. Even knowing the right things to say or write about takes wisdom, which can come through prayer. Prayer is a great way of talking to God about the desires of your heart regarding your vision, and listening to his response to see if those desires line up with his will for your life.