Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Free at last!

One of my biggest struggle in life is dealing with fear and insecurity. I was afraid of failing, fear of rejection, and sometimes fear of everything. Each time I want to try something new, it was always fear, raising its ugly head and stopping me. The reason am able to share this now, is that I grew tired of being afraid, and I began to face my fear one by one. The truth is when anyone faces what they fear, they become fearless. I also struggled with the way I looked, acted, and the way I talked. I was very insecure at some point in my life. One thing I realize now, is that most women struggle with some 0f this things that I mentioned. Partly because we're very emotional, and we tend to be more nuturing and caring. It is not easy to be a fearless strong woman in this day and age. We women struggle with a lot, for example, we worry about our looks, our image, our weight, if we are doing enough for the people in our life, how to balance work ,kids, managing home, you name it. And I'm one of those women who worry if I'm doing enough, working hard, and able to balance life, so at the end of the day I don't feel defleted or guilty.
I'm naturally a giving person, who likes to go out of my way to make someone else feel special, and to feel loved. I'm constantly thinking of ways I can reach people and speak to their hearts, because this is the way I connect with people. This need I believe to please people came from my own pain of just needing somebody attention and love. There was at time in my late teens, when I felt completely alone, and confused about the direction my life was going. And I would wake up most mornings feeling like I was failing. Was something wrong with me, I'd ask, not knowing what the answer to that was. Why do I feel completely empty inside I wondered, why can't I be good as that other person. This was a constant struggle for me. Then I turned into writing, and music because that was my way of expressing the deep pain I felt inside, which words alone could not describe. I understand now, that my confidence doesn't come from my looks, my personality, my education, my job, it comes from God. Because this things I mentioned are subject to change. The first step to being free for me, was acknowleging how weak and fragile I 'm apart from God, and how much I need him. Now I look back and I'm amazed, how far God has brought me through. I feel like I 've grew a lot and learned so many things about life, and myself. Now I feel more confident about who I'm and where I'm going. I hope that as people read this, they feel a change taking place in their hearts, and that they believe that each of us is special and unique just the way we're.And also we can be products of our pasts, but we don't have to be prisoners of it.