Thursday, July 23, 2009

Women and Relationships

Love isn’t that what women search for as we risk letting others get close to us. Whenever you see a woman open up and be vulnerable to the man in her life, all she really wants is to be accepted and loved for who she is. Every woman I know want to feel love and to be loved, and often times the most important relationship in a woman’s life apart from God and family is her relationship with a guy. Women love the attention, and the excitement that comes with being in love and in a relationship with a man. Falling in love or being in a good relationship is a beautiful thing, because loving is good for the soul. It is very easy for any women to think that just because someone loves me, then I can begin to feel good about myself. Often times young ladies rush to become someone’s girl-friend believing that their self-worth or value will increase just because they are in a romantic relationship. What I hope to share in this writing, is to help women recognise that their worth, and value cannot and should not come from a man/guy validating them. I also want to help women prepare themselves to be in a loving, and a healthy relationship.
First of all women need to know and understand where true love comes from. Unconditional love starts with God, God’s love for us is eternal it just never ends. He loves us even we disappoint him, fail him, make mistakes, and even give him reasons to stop loving us. God loves us even when we cannot love ourselves. When women begin to understand how much they are loved by the one whose love surpasses all human love, it becomes easy to love ourselves.
Self-love is the next step to being in a loving relationship because we cannot give away what we don’t have. Sometimes a boy-friend’s presence can take the place of real self-esteem and self-love. Women are defined by their relationships, they spend so much time supporting, helping, and nurturing the people in their lives. If for some reasons they don’t get this help, support, and nurture in return they feel empty. Take for example when I was in my mid-teens I was very insecure and extremely shy. I didn’t like who I was, I always wished I was something different. I would say things like I wish I had a more outgoing personality, I don’t like the way I walk or I wish I had more here and less there and on and on. I’d talk to myself in this way all through the day and even though I had few guy friends I wasn’t in any serious relationship. If a guy or anybody for that matter would compliment me, I would always ward off their compliments (either verbally or mentally). For example, if you say “wow you look great”, I’d say, oh it’s a new outfit. “If you say my room looks neat”, I would reply by saying “you should see my closet”, If you say, “you are a very smart girl”, I would tell you I failed math class or something. I always rejected the truth about myself; in my mind I couldn’t understand how people could say such kind positive things about me. The truth is, I was looking for love, and I wanted a guy to tell me how good-looking I was or how lucky he is to have me. But I couldn’t keep any man because I didn’t understand then that I had to love myself first before I could love someone else.
Confidence will go a long way in helping a woman find love. Men are attracted to women who believe in themselves and are not afraid to take a risk or walk with confidence. When a woman feels confident, you can tell by the way she walks talks or even carries herself. She is not ashamed or embarrassed by the way she looks, or how she walks, she carries herself with so much grace. Love springs from within and confidence comes from our awareness of our own potential. We don’t have to have it all together to be confident and beautiful. We can be confident in the fact that we are unique in our own special way. As women we should never apologize for who we are because we special and unique and no one else is like us. As women, we need to get to know ourselves and understand our strengths as well as our weaknesses. Sometimes having a boy-friend before our personal growth and development can hinder our ability to finding out who we really are on the inside, and when we are young that’s the time to invest in our self.
Another thing, women need to stop doing to finding love is to stop searching for men like it is a life or death situation. I know some young ladies who love to talk about guys or finding the right one like that is the only topic in the world. Ladies don’t search for guys, guys find you. Most times when you’re doing your own thing or engaging in some kind of activity that will facilitate your personal growth, suddenly you find love in the most unexpected places. There are a lot of things women can do, and having a boy-friend is not the most important thing in life. When women don’t make finding a man their priority, they suddenly find somebody really nice and that blossom to a wonderful relationship that may lead to marriage.
My last point is that women need to have an idea of what they are looking for in a guy. You and I need to define in our own words, what qualities we are seeking in a relationship. By doing that, we are in a way ready to identify or spot the guy when he finds us. It doesn’t have to be a long list; it can be as simple as a guy who is honest, trustworthy. For me personally I love to be friends with the person I want to date. Once friendship is established, then I know trust and honesty will follow because to be good friends with somebody I have to be able trust them and also be real with them. Other qualities include willingness to sacrifice or compromise, share the same values, sense of family, mental stimulation, giving, romantic, smart, spirituality, compatibility and the list goes on and on. The bottom line is you know yourself and what qualities are important to you. We also need to realize as women, that being in a relationship doesn’t bring happiness we‘re all responsible for our own joy. Speaking of being happy for the longest time as far as I remember I was unhappy, I was always looking for something or someone to make me happy. In my mind I imagined one day finding my prince-charming and being swept off my feet, but the truth is that never happened. I found true meaning to life when I looked inward.
Everybody makes mistakes nobody is perfect, but when we learn to love ourselves, find inner strength or confidence, and also know what qualities to look for in a guy then it is easy to have a loving healthy relationship. I love you all my friends and please know that you’re special to God and to me, and you deserve the best in every area of life and especially in your relationships
Much love

Monday, June 15, 2009

Learning to let go

Learning to let go is one of the hardest things in life because letting go is always an act of trust. For me letting go doesn’t come easy at all, it is like a fight. The good thing about being a writer is I get to share my heart with people in a way that would otherwise be impossible. When I write I dig into the deepest part of me, and draw out so many beautiful aspects of myself that I did not know I possessed. The first place I learned how to just let go is in the area of accepting me. You know I can sometimes be very hard on myself, the desire to always be at my best, to look good, to be a wonderful friend, an excellent student, a good worker, can almost drive me crazy. But through the years I have learned to take it easy and not try to act like I’m perfect all the time.
There are something’s in life that we cannot keep forever, there are people that may walk away from our lives a job or position we can’t hold on to forever…. We can be certain of one thing in life, and that is change, seasons change, jobs change, people change, and even styles change. Change is hard for anyone I know because when anybody thinks of change, we always think of how that change will affect us. I ‘m naturally very giving and loyal to people especially the ones I care deeply for, when I start sensing any distance from these people I admire and respect, the natural thing for me to do is to hold on tightly. By holding on tightly I mean giving more, creating time for them, leaving thank you notes at odd places for them, and even letting them know how much they mean to me. The funny thing is, the more I hold on to people the faster they slip away. Until I understood this principle: we cannot lose what is supposed to be a part of our destiny and we certainly can’t keep what is not.
At times we may have people that will walk away from a relationship, people we love deeply and believe they are in our lives for a lifetime, but that season changes and suddenly they live your life. You tried to make that relationship work, but they were bent on leaving, or you see a door closing in a business, a job or an opportunity and you can’t explain why or how this happened. The key is to let it go, if somebody leaves your life then it means they are no longer a path of your destiny, if one door closes, God will always open up another door, if you failed once, there is always be another opportunity to begin again. Don’t fight change; learn to just embrace because it is always for the better. Now I am beginning to understand if somebody walks away from my life for whatever reasons, it is because they were there for a reason. Maybe they were available to mentor me, help me get through some kind of difficulty, or just be my friend at that particular time. I cannot keep every single person or thing that comes into my and you certainly cannot.
Learning to let go is not done once and after that is done with. It is something you and I have to do on a regular basis if we truly want to be everything God has called us to be. I am not implying it is going to be easy, but it is possible when we “let go” one day at a time. Find somebody that you trust, I mean really trust, so you can be yourself, and they are also free to be who they are, and if you have to let them go for any reason you can because you trust them.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Why People Do Not Often Achieve Their Dreams

As a young girl growing up, I remember I used to have some big dreams of one day doing something significant in life. I would tell my friends back then one day you are going to here my voice on the radio, in my little head I dreamt of becoming a huge star. Even though I started dreaming big at a very young age, I had to develop my talents as I grew older because even if the opportunity had presented itself, I wouldn’t been ready for it.
Every dream begins in our mind; it is birthed on the inside before it reveals itself on the outside. This is one of the reasons why our circumstance doesn’t dictate our dream, but rather what is inside a person that affects our life. According to George Patton, “Successful generals make plans to fit circumstances but do not try to create circumstances to fit plans”.
Almost every dream is outside our comfort zone, the only way to achieve that dream is leaving that zone. Using a personal example, when I first found out that I was passionate about writing I was thinking it was going to be pretty easy to become a good writer without much effort. The first time I realized that writing went beyond a teenager putting her thoughts together in a diary, was when I registered for an English class and then it became clear to me writing is a lot harder than I expected. Every week in my English class I had to turn in a paper and even though my teacher was kind enough to let us choose our own topics his expectations for my paper were a little difficult to reach at the beginning. At the end of the class I learned that in the effort to become a great writer speaking in first person was important, I also learned to be as specific as possible when I write, and of course been able to connect with my readers in a way that they can relate to whatever I was writing about. What I took home from that experience is that even though dreams may be free, the journey is not. If you would like to take your dreams to the next level and truly be good at it, then you should be aware of the price the dream might cost you.
One of the biggest dream killers I believe is “fear”. Fear can be the very thing that holds you back from ever accomplishing your dreams. When anyone is afraid, he/she is constantly thinking of what can’t happen, what he/she is not, and how impossible the dream is. Even though, we can overcome some of our fears no one can completely get rid of fear in their life. Fear is something that we continually have to deal with on a regularly basis, for some of us the fight against fear is like a battle. For me personally, Fear has been a bit of a struggle. I remember how difficult it was for me to admit that being in the sciences wasn’t my thing. I was scared of failing and for me acknowledging my limitation made me feel like a jerk. I was so fearful of facing rejection especially from the most important people in my life. You see my family was rooting for me and they believed in me. When I wasn’t succeeding, I just wanted to run and hide because I felt it would be extremely hard for anyone to understand what I was going through at that time. In addition I was terrified of the unknown, I wasn’t sure if this new path I was heading on would lead me to the right destination. I lived in fear for such a long time, that I became tired of being afraid. Anybody can still succeed even if nobody else believes in them, but what I have found is if I don’t believe in myself I will not succeed.
Another thing that holds people back from accomplishing their dreams is the cost of the dream. What most people are excited about is the rewards of the dream not the process. But you ask why should I be excited about the process? The truth is every successful person has a story, most people encounter setbacks and difficulties before they achieve success. The good news is, it is the struggles that make the destination enjoyable. Success is not a destination but a journey. I love freedom, and I’d like to be able to make my own decisions without answering to anyone. When I first started learning to become independent I was actually thinking it was going to be an easy ride and everything will just fall into place. It took me a long time and I still struggle with it to finally get to a place in life, where I feel like I am ready to be in charge of my life. With freedom comes new responsibilities, I had to make sure I was on-point academically, could manage my time wisely, handle money well and make some really interesting decisions, what courses to enroll for, who my friends were, where I was going to live and so forth. After giving a serious thoughts to each of these concerns and responsibilities, I found having freedom and being independent wasn’t that appealing. I believe many of us have been on that road, where you want something and that’s all you can think about and when you finally get it is not exactly what you expected. Unless we mentally and physically prepare ourselves for anything we desire in life, we shouldn’t be in a hurry in our decisions to get it. Now I have to go on a dark road before I make any decision that will affect my life. The truth is when reality doesn’t meet expectation, there is bound to be some kind of disappointment.
Again another reason people often don’t accomplish their dreams, is they do not have a plan. Having a dream alone is not enough, there has to be a plan in place before the dream can become a reality. Goals without a plan will end becoming a wish. For example I am really passionate about singing and I have an aspiration to pursue my love for music at some point in my life. There is still work to be done though before I can see that dream come to pass, things like practicing relentless every week on my voice, having a voice coach, and learning about different songs, and also being familiar with different genres of music. Until I get going in the right direction and actually writing my goals on paper on how I would like to accomplish this dream, then my vision of becoming a singer would end- up becoming a fantasy.
Each of us needs to examine our actions because the secret to achieving any dream is seen in our everyday activity. It is not too late for anyone to make his/her dream become true, but we have to start from somewhere. There is no magic power in having a dream; we can’t just wait for it we have to work for it.
Once we learn to face what we fear with a level of openness and boldness then we can become fearless. Then the next step is planning and setting clear goals on how we would like to accomplish our dreams. Finally, we need to be aware that every dream will cost us something we have to give-up to go up, and before long we will go from merely dreaming to living in our dreams.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

What drives me!

Honesty, when I think of I think of inspiration I think of Beyonce, Michelle Obama, Mariah Carey, Will Smith, just to name a few .... these people in different ways are what I aim to be. I am one of those people who deeply wants to make a difference by doing something significant in life. I wake up each morning, with my goals in front of me, it is what I think of throughout the day, it is what keeps me late at night, and also keeps me going on even when I feel like giving -up
Passion, hard work, and determination is the key to success in life. I am somebody who will like to be a positive role model to other people, especially young girls in the way I act, talk, treat people, the way I will raise my kids, and the kind of wife I will become. Nothing more is as exciting, and thrilling for me in life, than being a light in a world that is becoming corrupt and evil each day. This is why I decided to go on a career path that will help me reach people and speak to their hearts and encourage them to be the best they can be. My number one quality in somebody that I will spend the rest of my life with, is someone who is driven, and passionate about life and have love for what they do. Probably you may be reading this and thinking this girl is perfect and I just love her, but you know what I am only human, I make mistakes, say the wrong things, sometimes scared of change but I believe this is the reason why Christ came into this world. He came so you and I can live to our full potential, Jesus came and died so we can all be free from feeling guilty, condemmed, and also free from insecurity. This is the reason why I can share this now, because I am a product of what it looks like when Christ comes into your life and the impact his presence can make in you. Even though I have been through hard places, and experienced failure, faced disappointments, struggled with insecurity, I can say with confidence that I am blessed. I am blessed because I know how to be a blessing to others. The true joy in living, comes by helping others. I believe relationships are very important in life because life is all about relationships.
I hope that as you read this, that you will be inspired, and encouraged, and also know that you are special and beautiful just the way you are.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Finding my purpose in life

Relationships and the people that I have met along the way have played huge role for me knowing what my purpose is. I am defined, by the things that I do in life on a daily basis. For example, things like being a student, a daughter, a friend, best friend, sister, worker, has helped shaped me. And the way that I connect with people is my values, and beliefs, like everyone is special, and should be treated honor and respect, you work hard for what you want in life to get what you want, and even if you don't get what you deserve, you keep working hard, you live everyday like it could be your last, and you stick to your words even when it hurts. I have had, wonderful times with friends and family, but the one thing I learned the most from is from my failures, my hurts,, and the times when I felt misunderstood. When I minister to people from my pain, that's when I know that I fulfilling my purpose. When I take the time to listen to someone who is feeling insecure, encourage them to embrace their uniqueness, I feel a level of peace. When I give a smile here, and encouraging word there, I know that I am making a difference. We all going through something, I don't care who you are, what age, your income, background, education or lack of it, we are all struggling and we need each other. I care a lot about people especially people who are hurting. Because of some of the experiences I've had, I'm able to relate with people on a deeper level.. God cares about broken people, people who cannot stand on their own, people who feel weak, and inadequate. He wants to wrap his arms around them and show them love like they have never known before. To find your purpose in life, you have to dig deep and find the things that excites you, something that flows naturally, something significant that if it becomes your life you are making a positive impact, and contributing to making this world a better place. Sure you have to work hard, and be persistent in what you do, but it is not a constant struggle, you don't feel discontent inside instead you are enthusiastic. Each of us has something that is unique, special, that we can contribute. Each of us is packed with incredible potential, don't allow disappointment's, failures, cause you to give up on your dreams. instead listen to that still small voice inside you, that tells you who you are and what you were created to be. Some of us give up too easily, we tried and we fail, so we stop dreaming, and we become easily satisfied as a result we live below our potential. Be a dreamer, wake up each day with knowing your purpose, be passionate about your dreams, and do things that Will make those dreams come alive. Friends life is too short to wait till the end and discover you didn't really live.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Free at last!

One of my biggest struggle in life is dealing with fear and insecurity. I was afraid of failing, fear of rejection, and sometimes fear of everything. Each time I want to try something new, it was always fear, raising its ugly head and stopping me. The reason am able to share this now, is that I grew tired of being afraid, and I began to face my fear one by one. The truth is when anyone faces what they fear, they become fearless. I also struggled with the way I looked, acted, and the way I talked. I was very insecure at some point in my life. One thing I realize now, is that most women struggle with some 0f this things that I mentioned. Partly because we're very emotional, and we tend to be more nuturing and caring. It is not easy to be a fearless strong woman in this day and age. We women struggle with a lot, for example, we worry about our looks, our image, our weight, if we are doing enough for the people in our life, how to balance work ,kids, managing home, you name it. And I'm one of those women who worry if I'm doing enough, working hard, and able to balance life, so at the end of the day I don't feel defleted or guilty.
I'm naturally a giving person, who likes to go out of my way to make someone else feel special, and to feel loved. I'm constantly thinking of ways I can reach people and speak to their hearts, because this is the way I connect with people. This need I believe to please people came from my own pain of just needing somebody attention and love. There was at time in my late teens, when I felt completely alone, and confused about the direction my life was going. And I would wake up most mornings feeling like I was failing. Was something wrong with me, I'd ask, not knowing what the answer to that was. Why do I feel completely empty inside I wondered, why can't I be good as that other person. This was a constant struggle for me. Then I turned into writing, and music because that was my way of expressing the deep pain I felt inside, which words alone could not describe. I understand now, that my confidence doesn't come from my looks, my personality, my education, my job, it comes from God. Because this things I mentioned are subject to change. The first step to being free for me, was acknowleging how weak and fragile I 'm apart from God, and how much I need him. Now I look back and I'm amazed, how far God has brought me through. I feel like I 've grew a lot and learned so many things about life, and myself. Now I feel more confident about who I'm and where I'm going. I hope that as people read this, they feel a change taking place in their hearts, and that they believe that each of us is special and unique just the way we're.And also we can be products of our pasts, but we don't have to be prisoners of it.