The Art of loving yourself

One of the biggest problems most people face in life stems from a poor self- image. A lot of people are struggling with their identity, many times they ask themselves; why was I born this way? Why do I experience so many difficulties in life? Or why do I have so many weaknesses?... Sometimes it seems like life is a constant battle, of trying to find out who we really are, and what we were created to be.

Some of us go through life, wearing a lot of masks because we cannot face the truth about ourselves; on the outside we appear to be doing fine, but on the inside we seem to be falling apart. There are people who don’t feel good enough; they are constantly changing to fit a mode of what the world says they should be. Even with people who feel very confident, there are days when they wonder if they are living their lives in the way they are supposed to.

These people sometimes imagine what would have become of them, if they were raised differently, didn’t have to go through a particular problem, or face that painful incident (whatever it may be). We all have things, which we want to change about ourselves, areas where we need to grow; but there is freedom in realizing that we are not weird or awkward, but we are created just the way we are for a reason. God made us in his own image, and everything God created is wonderful & beautiful in every way.

Finding True love 2

Everyone is looking for love, we are all in a way searching for people who can love us for who we are, love us even when we fail and love us during times when we feel so unlovable.

Often times we turn to the people around us usually our friends, parents, boyfriend, spouse to fill that void, and make us feel loved and accepted. Some of us, are truly longing to experience true-love because we have probably being hurt so many times, in a relationship and we almost find ourselves giving-up on hopes of ever finding true love.

Even Christians have this longing, to find that special person; God is going to bring into our life. Just because one is a Christian doesn’t mean, that they never have the need to find love, and spend the rest of their life with “the one” God created us with the desire to be in a relationship.

Finding true love 1

Is there anything such as finding one’s “true love”, the one person who was designed just for you? The person who understands you in all the ways you need to be understood, and loves you just the way you are? Someone who complements you, and makes you feel complete inside? The answer is yes, there is someone out there for everyone, if you believe in love and you also understand that you have something important to bring into somebody’s life, then you are closer to finding that special person. You may have even met him/her, but haven’t realized it yet, because you maybe too busy searching for it someplace else: that you don’t even recognize it, when it is right in front of you. Even if you’re the most loving and caring person, you’ll quickly realize not every person you meet complements you. There are people you might meet in your life, who seem to have everything going for them, they have an inviting personality, charisma, very good- looking, have a good sense of humor, love life, .. and in your mind you imagine this person being just perfect for you. Not until you get closer, and you get to see their heart, or what’s inside them do you eventually realize they are not perfect for you. If everyone fits us perfectly then we all be confused about whom to spend the rest of our lives with. No matter how good two people are, there is always that one person who stands out the most. Finding true love is not as hard as some people make it out to be, you just have to let your hearts and mind engage when you meet someone you like. Time will always reveal if that person is meant to be in your life forever. Do not allow pride or shyness prevent you from building a friendship with someone you just met. Good things come in different packages; do not limit yourself to a certain standard or image you’d like to see in someone you want to date. A lot of people have missed opportunities to meet a great guy/girl, because they had very high standards. It is unrealistic to have long lists of the qualities you’re looking for in a guy/girl, when you fail in most of those areas. If you want a guy who is very smart, then become smart, if you desire a woman who is very attractive, then make sure you’re looking good yourself, if you’re looking for a guy who has strong values or values family, then make sure you have values that are similar. Never put anyone in a high pedestal, nobody is perfect; we all have weaknesses and areas where we need to improve.
True love starts with an attraction; maybe you are drawn to their personality, love their smile, or are attracted to their sense of humor or the sound of their voice. The moment you begin to engage in small talks, that is when you begin to realize more things you like about a certain person. Maybe it’s how they talk to you, or the things that they talk about, or how comfortable he/ she make you feel when you’re around them. The initial spark is what created a window of opportunity for you to get to know this person. Do I believe in love at first sight, yes but not all the time? There are some people you meet and it feels like you have known them all your life. Let’s say you’re invited to a party or an event, and this guy or lady walks into the room, and you’re immediately captured by their presence or something about them. You may not know them, but you already feel like you like him/her. For the rest of the night, you eagerly wait for an opportunity to engage in a conversation, when you get a chance, you discover you have so many similarities, with this person and even enjoy the same things. Probably the other person’s feels attracted to you for similar reasons, that is when you can say I fell-in love at first sight. At this point it is still too early to imagine a future with this person, but you know deep down there is some potential there. Often times the qualities we like in the person we fall in love with are usually things we’re lacking in our own life, or something we may need more of. Hence the saying opposite attracts: a quiet person will naturally be drawn to a more out-going and friendly person. Someone who has a lovely personality, and also has charisma, will be drawn to someone who doesn’t like to attract too much attention. Even with people who are talented and smart, they are drawn to people whom are even more talented and smart. People, who come from a broken family, will be drawn to a lady/guy who comes from a stable family. True love usually attracts what the other person needs. I am not here to teach people how to fall in love because that should happen naturally and effortlessly, nor am I here to tell people how to find the man or woman of their dreams. God already has the right people lined-up for us he knows who “the One” is, and if we feel like we have found the right person: then we know that they haven’t come yet. I am instead writing about how a person knows that what they are experiencing is “true love”, and also how to maintain that love so it stands the test of time.
Here are some signs that let you know, you have found true love:
1. He/she does not care how much I spend or how well you dress. They are used to you and love you. Just being alone with you is treat enough!
2. This person has already seen you at your worst---- but loves you anyway.
3. He/she knows about your pasts, or some of the baggage’s you have, but that doesn’t change how they treat you, or their love for you.
4. He/she doesn’t need to be impressed—because they love you already.
5. He/she already knows that you’re intelligent, sweet, loving, spiritual, witty, interesting, communicative, caring, accommodating, considerate, well- balanced, and likeable--- just maybe not all at the same time!
6. Enjoy spending time with he/she, never really run out of things to say
7. He/she partnership with you draws the best out of you, you keep discovering so many aspects of yourself, just by being with this person
8. This person shares in your vision, and dreams
9. He/she makes you comfortable to talk about any and everything without judgment.
10. Their presence in your life makes you happier and at peace with yourself.
11. You don’t have to compromise, when you’re with him/her, you can be yourself and be loved anyway!
12. You cannot think of anybody else you’d rather spend your time, your resources, and even your resources with.
13. You love almost everything about this person, you’re sometimes intrigued about them.
To Be Continued…….

I am changing, I'm growing

It feels good to be back into writing, because I believe you stop been a writer when you don’t write anymore. And for the longest of time, I’ve been making lots of excuses why I haven’t written, waiting for the right moment to write. And finally I’m happy that I just quit thinking of writing, but actually wrote. There are certain things I used to believe about life that was true, but now those beliefs have changed. Like the belief that I had that once you turned 18, everything about one’s personality, and most things about oneself is pretty set, and one can’t do anything to change it. I don’t buy that anymore because in my twenties I’m beginning to find out things about myself that I didn’t know about myself, and that is causing me to change and grow as a person. I also thought that acting was something one was born with, and you either had the gift or you did not. Now I believe that acting is more of a craft, and you get trained for it, and only get better at it the more you practice (by the way acting is something I am passionate about, and something I would like to pursue in the future). The other thing I believed to be true, especially as a lady, is the idea that if you can connect with any guy on a deep or personal level, then that could most likely be the one for you. If that is true then I could see myself with different people, and might end-up marrying many husbands.
When I think of change I think about how far I have come, and how every day I have had to make a change that has made my life what it is today. Some changes have been hard to make, while others have been very unpredictable. Looking back over my life, one of the biggest change that I have gone through, and probably still going through is becoming independent. Every year that phrase “becoming independent” takes on a new meaning. Being independent is more than leaving home for the first time, or finally getting your own place, or being able to take care of oneself financially. For me being independent is a life-long commitment, it is also an active will, or a conscious decision that one makes every day. Being an adult doesn’t necessarily mean we have all the answers, or we know what we want to become, where we want to go, and how to get there. We can’t completely prepare ourselves for every life challenge, sometimes we have to be in the situation to figure out a solution. I’m used to putting myself in uncomfortable situations, in the effort to make someone else comfortable. Sometimes that doesn’t work out too well for me, because to the other person, they either think, that’s what you’re supposed to be doing, or that’s just who you are. An example would be if I had a roommate, and she lets me know that on a certain weakened she is going to be expecting some guests. What I try to do is try to make some adjustments like maybe spending some time with a friend I haven’t visited in a long time, or I decide to stay home, I have limited movements. I don’t really have to make all this changes, but the reason I do them, is to make sure the other person feels safe, and comfortable. The problem with this is that, the other person may not understand the reason I’m making all this changes or adjustment and may take it for granted. Sometimes I have had to change so much for people, that I forget who I am in the process. Every time a need arises, I feel that I have to be the one to make those changes that sometimes I don’t know what is like for someone to make adjustments for me. But all that is changing because I am learning to be myself everywhere I go, and also to take that a step further and become my best self.
Change is very dynamic, as humans we’re constantly changing and growing. The people, who are able to embrace change as it comes, are the ones who get the best out of life. Another change that I find hard to grapple with is moving. Whether it’s moving to a new place, a new school, or a new state or country, that change has a way of catching up with me. Some changes like adjusting to life as a single parent, after one loses a loved one or becoming single again after a divorce can be painful. Change has a way of affecting a person physically, emotionally, and psychologically. And when we don’t make the necessary changes, we miss out on opportunities, new environment, and the right people that we need etc. . . . Now I ‘m used to moving now, because I have moved to a different place a couple of times. I’m getting used to the idea that I can just get-up and go, and the fact nothing was meant to last forever. The bottom-line about “change” is that it can be a good thing, depending on how we look at it. There are people who go through life trying to fight every change that they go through. But a better approach is to embrace it, even when we cannot see the big picture you believe that one day; you’ll look back and see how that change has helped transform your life. Nothing that happens to us in life happens for nothing; it is either God sent or God used. When we stop changing, we stop learning, and when we stop learning, we stop growing.