Thursday, July 23, 2009

Women and Relationships

Love isn’t that what women search for as we risk letting others get close to us. Whenever you see a woman open up and be vulnerable to the man in her life, all she really wants is to be accepted and loved for who she is. Every woman I know want to feel love and to be loved, and often times the most important relationship in a woman’s life apart from God and family is her relationship with a guy. Women love the attention, and the excitement that comes with being in love and in a relationship with a man. Falling in love or being in a good relationship is a beautiful thing, because loving is good for the soul. It is very easy for any women to think that just because someone loves me, then I can begin to feel good about myself. Often times young ladies rush to become someone’s girl-friend believing that their self-worth or value will increase just because they are in a romantic relationship. What I hope to share in this writing, is to help women recognise that their worth, and value cannot and should not come from a man/guy validating them. I also want to help women prepare themselves to be in a loving, and a healthy relationship.
First of all women need to know and understand where true love comes from. Unconditional love starts with God, God’s love for us is eternal it just never ends. He loves us even we disappoint him, fail him, make mistakes, and even give him reasons to stop loving us. God loves us even when we cannot love ourselves. When women begin to understand how much they are loved by the one whose love surpasses all human love, it becomes easy to love ourselves.
Self-love is the next step to being in a loving relationship because we cannot give away what we don’t have. Sometimes a boy-friend’s presence can take the place of real self-esteem and self-love. Women are defined by their relationships, they spend so much time supporting, helping, and nurturing the people in their lives. If for some reasons they don’t get this help, support, and nurture in return they feel empty. Take for example when I was in my mid-teens I was very insecure and extremely shy. I didn’t like who I was, I always wished I was something different. I would say things like I wish I had a more outgoing personality, I don’t like the way I walk or I wish I had more here and less there and on and on. I’d talk to myself in this way all through the day and even though I had few guy friends I wasn’t in any serious relationship. If a guy or anybody for that matter would compliment me, I would always ward off their compliments (either verbally or mentally). For example, if you say “wow you look great”, I’d say, oh it’s a new outfit. “If you say my room looks neat”, I would reply by saying “you should see my closet”, If you say, “you are a very smart girl”, I would tell you I failed math class or something. I always rejected the truth about myself; in my mind I couldn’t understand how people could say such kind positive things about me. The truth is, I was looking for love, and I wanted a guy to tell me how good-looking I was or how lucky he is to have me. But I couldn’t keep any man because I didn’t understand then that I had to love myself first before I could love someone else.
Confidence will go a long way in helping a woman find love. Men are attracted to women who believe in themselves and are not afraid to take a risk or walk with confidence. When a woman feels confident, you can tell by the way she walks talks or even carries herself. She is not ashamed or embarrassed by the way she looks, or how she walks, she carries herself with so much grace. Love springs from within and confidence comes from our awareness of our own potential. We don’t have to have it all together to be confident and beautiful. We can be confident in the fact that we are unique in our own special way. As women we should never apologize for who we are because we special and unique and no one else is like us. As women, we need to get to know ourselves and understand our strengths as well as our weaknesses. Sometimes having a boy-friend before our personal growth and development can hinder our ability to finding out who we really are on the inside, and when we are young that’s the time to invest in our self.
Another thing, women need to stop doing to finding love is to stop searching for men like it is a life or death situation. I know some young ladies who love to talk about guys or finding the right one like that is the only topic in the world. Ladies don’t search for guys, guys find you. Most times when you’re doing your own thing or engaging in some kind of activity that will facilitate your personal growth, suddenly you find love in the most unexpected places. There are a lot of things women can do, and having a boy-friend is not the most important thing in life. When women don’t make finding a man their priority, they suddenly find somebody really nice and that blossom to a wonderful relationship that may lead to marriage.
My last point is that women need to have an idea of what they are looking for in a guy. You and I need to define in our own words, what qualities we are seeking in a relationship. By doing that, we are in a way ready to identify or spot the guy when he finds us. It doesn’t have to be a long list; it can be as simple as a guy who is honest, trustworthy. For me personally I love to be friends with the person I want to date. Once friendship is established, then I know trust and honesty will follow because to be good friends with somebody I have to be able trust them and also be real with them. Other qualities include willingness to sacrifice or compromise, share the same values, sense of family, mental stimulation, giving, romantic, smart, spirituality, compatibility and the list goes on and on. The bottom line is you know yourself and what qualities are important to you. We also need to realize as women, that being in a relationship doesn’t bring happiness we‘re all responsible for our own joy. Speaking of being happy for the longest time as far as I remember I was unhappy, I was always looking for something or someone to make me happy. In my mind I imagined one day finding my prince-charming and being swept off my feet, but the truth is that never happened. I found true meaning to life when I looked inward.
Everybody makes mistakes nobody is perfect, but when we learn to love ourselves, find inner strength or confidence, and also know what qualities to look for in a guy then it is easy to have a loving healthy relationship. I love you all my friends and please know that you’re special to God and to me, and you deserve the best in every area of life and especially in your relationships
Much love