Sunday, January 16, 2011

I am changing, I'm growing

It feels good to be back into writing, because I believe you stop been a writer when you don’t write anymore. And for the longest of time, I’ve been making lots of excuses why I haven’t written, waiting for the right moment to write. And finally I’m happy that I just quit thinking of writing, but actually wrote. There are certain things I used to believe about life that was true, but now those beliefs have changed. Like the belief that I had that once you turned 18, everything about one’s personality, and most things about oneself is pretty set, and one can’t do anything to change it. I don’t buy that anymore because in my twenties I’m beginning to find out things about myself that I didn’t know about myself, and that is causing me to change and grow as a person. I also thought that acting was something one was born with, and you either had the gift or you did not. Now I believe that acting is more of a craft, and you get trained for it, and only get better at it the more you practice (by the way acting is something I am passionate about, and something I would like to pursue in the future). The other thing I believed to be true, especially as a lady, is the idea that if you can connect with any guy on a deep or personal level, then that could most likely be the one for you. If that is true then I could see myself with different people, and might end-up marrying many husbands.
When I think of change I think about how far I have come, and how every day I have had to make a change that has made my life what it is today. Some changes have been hard to make, while others have been very unpredictable. Looking back over my life, one of the biggest change that I have gone through, and probably still going through is becoming independent. Every year that phrase “becoming independent” takes on a new meaning. Being independent is more than leaving home for the first time, or finally getting your own place, or being able to take care of oneself financially. For me being independent is a life-long commitment, it is also an active will, or a conscious decision that one makes every day. Being an adult doesn’t necessarily mean we have all the answers, or we know what we want to become, where we want to go, and how to get there. We can’t completely prepare ourselves for every life challenge, sometimes we have to be in the situation to figure out a solution. I’m used to putting myself in uncomfortable situations, in the effort to make someone else comfortable. Sometimes that doesn’t work out too well for me, because to the other person, they either think, that’s what you’re supposed to be doing, or that’s just who you are. An example would be if I had a roommate, and she lets me know that on a certain weakened she is going to be expecting some guests. What I try to do is try to make some adjustments like maybe spending some time with a friend I haven’t visited in a long time, or I decide to stay home, I have limited movements. I don’t really have to make all this changes, but the reason I do them, is to make sure the other person feels safe, and comfortable. The problem with this is that, the other person may not understand the reason I’m making all this changes or adjustment and may take it for granted. Sometimes I have had to change so much for people, that I forget who I am in the process. Every time a need arises, I feel that I have to be the one to make those changes that sometimes I don’t know what is like for someone to make adjustments for me. But all that is changing because I am learning to be myself everywhere I go, and also to take that a step further and become my best self.
Change is very dynamic, as humans we’re constantly changing and growing. The people, who are able to embrace change as it comes, are the ones who get the best out of life. Another change that I find hard to grapple with is moving. Whether it’s moving to a new place, a new school, or a new state or country, that change has a way of catching up with me. Some changes like adjusting to life as a single parent, after one loses a loved one or becoming single again after a divorce can be painful. Change has a way of affecting a person physically, emotionally, and psychologically. And when we don’t make the necessary changes, we miss out on opportunities, new environment, and the right people that we need etc. . . . Now I ‘m used to moving now, because I have moved to a different place a couple of times. I’m getting used to the idea that I can just get-up and go, and the fact nothing was meant to last forever. The bottom-line about “change” is that it can be a good thing, depending on how we look at it. There are people who go through life trying to fight every change that they go through. But a better approach is to embrace it, even when we cannot see the big picture you believe that one day; you’ll look back and see how that change has helped transform your life. Nothing that happens to us in life happens for nothing; it is either God sent or God used. When we stop changing, we stop learning, and when we stop learning, we stop growing.