Wednesday, September 18, 2013

The Courage to be Vulnerable

“To share your weaknesses is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”- Criss Jami.
Vulnerability is a very scary place to be for most people, it’s easier for us to paint a picture of having it all together, and appearing like our life is perfect; than it is to be really honest about where we are in life and the struggles we face. Our society has expectations of what it looks like to play the different roles, or wear the many hats we put on; which makes it very difficult for people to come clean about what is really going on inside. I used to believe everything I see or hear about people, until I got close to some of this people, and realized that everything isn’t as beautiful as it looks on the outside. Through social media, I found a lot of inspiring people who led beautiful lives, that were do die for and also doing great things, but what I didn’t see much online were the bad days, the tears, or the lonely days, which I am sure they had. We all stumble in different ways, even the individual whom you greatly admire and respect has struggles. Often times the images of people that we see that draws us to them could be very far from reality, people may be going through deep pain but only share what they want others (public) to see. People watching from the outside would idolize this people, compare their lives with them, and feel bitter and angry if their lives don’t measure up with theirs.A part of the reason, people mask their pain is because they are scared they might be rejected if they show their weaknesses; they are afraid that if people get to see the REAL person inside, they may not like or accept them. Everybody loves inspiration, we all love motivation, and we are drawn to words of wisdom from people who have had various life experiences that allows them to have the answers to some of life’s questions, as well as the wisdom to speak into people’s lives. However, this people no matter how smart, inspiring, wonderful, or godly, they may be struggle in so many ways that you may not know about. The truth is not everyone is going to be comfortable with our vulnerability, not everyone is going to be able to handle our truth or understand our story. There will also be people who will judge us based on the information we put out. It takes a lot of risk to be comfortable enough not to allow people’s opinion/judgment of us affect how we share with others. People who are able to dig into their soul, and channel their pain, struggles, and insecurities in a way that blesses others have truly discovered how to live life fearlessly. We were created for community, to feel love, and a sense of belonging, we are not supposed to go through life alone. Stop carrying that pain inside, and allowing it to eat you up, stop trying so hard to look like you have it all together. It takes courage to transform your pain into purpose, and to risk being hurt while being willing to be vulnerable with others. It’s interesting how the most beautiful women struggle with a lot of insecurities, the people, who appear to be strong on the outside are breaking inside, and the people who are good at encouraging and uplifting people are hiding a lot of pain inside. Also people who seem to know a lot about relationships, and about love are often the most difficult people to love because these people find it hard to trust people. Being vulnerable allows us to share our hearts in a way that relieves us of the stress we carry on the inside, and gives us the freedom to love ourselves and others well. Every human being regardless of their position, or background are wounded in some way, our lives are not perfect, as long as we live in this world, we are going to have problems, deal with difficult things, meet difficult people, have weaknesses that we struggle with, and experience pain in one way or the other. Which is part of the reason people feel connected to a person who don’t allow the pains of the pasts control the rest of their lives, or even allow other’s people’s opinion affect them so much that they shut down. 1 Cor 10: 13 talks about “no testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone” Often time’s people feel ashamed sharing their pain because they believe what they are going through is shameful and they cannot talk about it publicly because of the nature of the pain. And the moment they have the courage to finally share their story, they discover there are many people who are also going through some of the things they struggled with. One thing I know about life is we can never have a new problem, every situation we have faced in life, has already been faced and conquered by someone else we just need to find those people who have been through our current situation and learn from their insights. According to Brene Brown- the author of “daring greatly”, goes into great detail in her book about the issue of vulnerability, and how we shouldn’t have to go through life alone, it is so much harder that way “we need support, we need folks who will let us try on new ways of being without judging us; we need a hand to pull us up off the ground when we get kicked down”. I am not a very open person so I don’t readily share things going on with me except with the people closest to me. There were times I would really need help in a certain area and I would just suffer in silence because I was too ashamed to ask for help. My thing was why share my pain or problems with people who couldn’t do anything about it. I had to learn the hard way how to interact with more people and build trust with them and get the help I need. I didn’t know everything and just being around people who I could learn from, and lean on for support helped me overcome struggles I was dealing with. Often times the people who are quiet have no one to share their burdens with, they usually have a smile on their face, but they are suffering in silence. Even when they tell you, they are fine and things are good with them, the truth is they need people to loving pursue them and find out what is going on in their lives, and not give up easily when they say “I am fine”. On a last note this quotes sums up my thoughts on what vulnerability means and why is so important “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves”-Brene Brown

No comments: